BAGRAM, AFGHANISTAN – Two months after the discovery that military forces in Bagram Air Base burned Korans and other holy material, Afghan protestors have initiated a new form of protest: burning bestselling American books and films. Instead of the earlier protests' chants of "death to America", they have taken up new tactics -- which many feel are more effective.

An estimated 5,000 copies of the popular Twilight saga were piled into several heaps yesterday and set ablaze, while activists shouted new rallying cries. “Death to Bella” and “long live Harry Potter” were among the chants heard.

Upon hearing the news, Marine General John Allen, the top U.S. military commander in Afghanistan, was delighted. “Wow… I hate those books and movies too!” said Allen, as he broke his bearing like a nasty recruit.

The General, in an unprecedented move, left the base and joined protestors, after sneaking away from his security detail under the auspices of making a number-two head-call. CNN footage of protests showed Allen delightfully tearing books to shreds, and at one point screaming “Team Islam”. He also reportedly made several MRE bombs, instructing fellow protestors on their construction and distributing scores of leftover MRE boxes -- mainly the disgusting flavors that no one likes.