KABUL, AFGHANISTAN - An American Flag bought online for an Anti-U.S. protest nearly died of smoke inhalation yesterday from the fumes of burning protesters who in an attempt to light the flag on fire, instead negligently set themselves ablaze.

The flag, who goes by the name of Serial Number: 01023492, claims that all he remembers was being taken out of his box by a number of apparently disgruntled Middle Eastern men, which he identified instantly by their anti-American chants and misspelled signs.

"At first I thought I was at an Occupy Wall St. protest, and that things were probably going to be alright when I saw signs that read, 'Don't Disgrace our Profits', but then I realized it was a group of pissed off Taliban protesters when I read another that read, 'I'm here to kill Americans [Shoot Me].'"

The scene became quite dire for Flag 01023492 when the Taliban members tried to light him on fire with a Bic lighter. Due to his Nylon composition, ignition was difficult to achieve, and out of frustration the flag was thrown to the ground.