FORT MEADE, Md. — Army Sgt. Ryan Mayers is reported to be the best cyber operative in the entire Department of Defense. He has personally hacked into the mainframes of Russia, China, and numerous terrorist groups. That's why he was incredibly excited last month when he was pulled away from leading an elite network warfare team at Fort Meade and temporarily assigned to guard the post gates.

"Oh yeah, I'm pumped up to be here," Mayers said during a recent lull in traffic at the Mapes Road Vehicle Inspection Facility.

"You know, CYBERCOM isn't intercepting as many of Xi Jinping's dick pics without me in the office, but I know my soldiers can succeed without me because I trained them to. And it's not like we had anyone else to fill in on gate duty this week. It's a total honor to guard these gates and protect America."

Mayers is well known around "the Puzzle Palace" for his can-do attitude, fellow soldiers say.