ANNAPOLIS, MD - Tragedy struck the US Naval Academy yesterday after the champion of the Academy swim team was found dead in a five-gallon bucket of water.

Midshipman Jamie Freeman, 22, was unresponsive after being found by other students. While foul play has not been ruled out, medical examiners have determined drowning to be the cause of death, with all signs so far pointing to accidental death.

Local Military Police (MP) took over the crime scene, aided by students of the Naval Academy’s Psychology of Crime and Logic And Critical Thinking classes. The investigation was soon being handled with the insatiable passion and vigor of the inexperienced.

“Well obviously,” said one aspiring MP Officer, “due to a lack of defensive wounds, we can’t rule out that this was Freeman’s intent. We've been sifting through this bucket like a fine-toothed comb looking for human tears, which would indicate a state of depression before his possible suicide.”