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Actual issue preview

This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.

Story Roundup

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

Situation Report

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

Army veterinarian tired of being thanked for her service

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — A U.S. Army veterinarian says she is sick of the veteran accolades she gets every time she goes out in public, since she’s never deployed or cared for so much as one ass-raped goat in Afghanistan, sources confirmed.

“I go out for a simple Chick-fil-A Spicy Deluxe Sandwich and the next thing you know there’s a JROTC honor guard marching to the cash register,” says Capt. Andrea Martinez.

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