WASHINGTON D.C. – With much fanfare, the Chief of Staff of the Army announced the opening of the latest cross-branch U.S. Army School designed to indoctrinate officers and crush any dissenting thinkers, sources confirmed today.

The Excellency Excellent Center of Excellently Excelling Excellence — or E2CE3 because this is the Army — is the logical conclusion of the nightmarish hodgepodge of ‘good ideas’ that some sadistic lunatic in the Pentagon came up with in combining completely different branches of the service together into a schoolhouse in the name of pecuniary considerations.

Thanks to a recent revision of the oxymoronically named Army Writing Guide banning all adjectives and adverbs save variations on "excellent," the Dept. of the Army related that creating monikers for these cesspits of egotism has never been easier.

Examples of this new order include the “Maneuver Center of Excellence” in which armor and infantry officers glare at each other and argue about who really won the World War II, and the “Fires Center of Excellence," which irrationally blends the Field Artillery, a strictly offensive branch and the Air Defense Artillery, an eponymously defensive one.