THE PENTAGON — Maj. Gen. Grigori Tepes, the Army’s first openly zombie general, has focused his command on one thing: more soldiers to fight and win America’s wars in an increasingly complex world.
“This is the smallest force the Army has had since World War II,” said Tepes, quietly sharpening his filet knife under his desk. “That won’t do it all. We need a larger force, and for that we must recruit the highest quality young, fit, tender, delicious soldiers we can.”
Tepes has joined many in the Pentagon demanding increased end strength across the Total Army. As Army Chief of Staff Gen. Milley testified to Congress about the need for more forces, Tepes could be heard rubbing his hands together and softly chanting, “Yes…end strength. Delicious, delicious end strength. Mmmmmmmm.”
Though only one of three American youths is found to be medically qualified for military service, Tepes emphasized that potential soldiers were also needed for their brains.
