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Army · Page 4

Army replaces benefits with rolled sleeves

By Duffel Blog Staff · Army Bureau · 1 minute

Filed 5 October 2022 · 1537

THE PENTAGON – The U.S. Army announced yesterday that it will replace all service-earned benefits with allowing soldiers to roll their sleeves.

“We’ve thought about this for a long time and it’s just the right thing to do,” said Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley as he pointed at a poorly-drawn bar chart on his desk.

“It also just so happens that the higher the sleeves go, the more benefits are cut, BAH? Forget about it, retirement? No.”

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For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Army replaces benefits with rolled sleeves

Also on this page

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Army adopts ‘Your body, my choice’ as new recruiting slogan

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