CSM Flashman awaits violators

FORT SILL, OK — As Ukrainian troops arrive in Oklahoma to begin training on the Patriot missile system, one American advisor has been informally asking the visitors if they’ve tried a time-honored tactic for protecting sensitive terrain: asking the invading Russians to stay off their grass.

Flashman noted that a standing order to stay off the grass, reinforced by appropriate signage, is a time-honored area denial weapon. “It’s not a point defense weapon like a traffic cone. Traffic cones are easily moved, and then there’s always that specialist who parks right next to it, then claims that the line paint is too faded to tell where the spot is. I’m an old-school soldier, so I make those smart alecks re-paint the lines then and there, but it’s still like playing whack-a-mole. It requires constant vigilance to monitor traffic cones, and with my quarter-hourly patrol route around the battalion spaces to yell at soldiers with their hands in their pockets, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to catch all violators.”