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Army

Army tape test 'incredibly accurate,' says toad-necked sergeant major

FORT GORDON, Ga. — The Army has toiled for years to create a new body composition program that reflects soldiers' modern physical requirements, though a common complaint is the poor accuracy of the current tape measurement test used to calculate body fat.

One sergeant major, however, is sick of all the complaining, and claims the tape test is perfectly fine.

"Soldiers love whining," said Sgt. Maj. Ryan Starky. "You can change the fitness standards all you want, and they'll just find a new way to whine about that too."

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