FORT RILEY, Kansas — Post leadership has issued an emergency order to recall all Toys for Tots/Amnesty Boxes after a series of high-profile mix-ups.

“Little Joey got three grenades from Santa this year,” said one concerned mother. “Don’t get me wrong, he did say it was the best Christmas ever, though I doubt our neighbor’s Welsh Corgi agrees,” she said as she crossed herself. “Rest in peace, Princess.”

Officials explained that the combination toy/ammunition receptacles were part of a post-wide initiative to save money on box materials.

“When we realized we could save over $45 every three years by combining these two efforts, we simply couldn’t say no,” said Major John Skirmerhorn. “I don’t think there’s any way we could have anticipated anything problematic about the plan.”