Washington, D.C. — The U.S. Army revealed a new logo yesterday on social media as part of a larger rebrand.
The new emblem features a bold, modern design sure to impress military enthusiasts and casual observers alike. However, there is one thing that the Army wants to make crystal clear: this logo absolutely does not resemble a butthole.
"We can confirm that our new logo is in no way, shape, or form inspired by any body part," said Major General Tom Proktologus, who oversaw the design process, at a press conference Tuesday. "The star in the center of the logo is meant to represent our nation's proud history, and the overall design is a reflection of the Army's resilience and intestinal fortitude. It is not an anus."
In the weeks leading up to the unveiling, rumors circulated that the Army's new logo would bear a striking resemblance to a certain part of the human anatomy. But long-time Army observers speculated it would be testicles or a bicep. Only serious critics supposed the logo's central star design would be a clear nod to a human turd cutter.
