TEHRAN — The Iranian government has avenged the recent death of Iranian tourist Qasem Soleimani in an American strike near Baghdad the only way they saw fit: by indulging in the aimless slaughter of their Iraqi neighbors.

"The American decision to kill Soleimani, who was just an innocent man trying to get to Jerusalem, was a wanton act of violence and a severe violation of Iraq's sovereignty," Iranian foreign minister Mohammad Javad Zarif told reporters at a press conference in Tehran. "We have responded in the only way that we know how: We have fired missiles at Iraq.”

“We thought this was an appropriate way to avenge Soleimani, who in his innocence killed many Iraqis before being fed the sweet syrup of martyrdom by the American infidels."