PENTAGON — President Joe Biden delivered a moving speech marking the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks to the custodian cleaning the ninth corridor restroom on the Pentagon’s third floor, sources confirmed today.

“I remember where I was on 11/11,” Biden said somberly. “When the flying things hit the— you know, the big buildings, and the Huns signed the armistice so the other doughboys and I could all go home.”

Biden, who appeared to be confusing the 9/11 terrorist attacks with the agreement that ended World War I on November 11, 1918, was born in 1942 and never served in the military. But, he added, the U.S. had accomplished much since Sept. 11, 2001.

“Let me be clear: we got our justice from the heinous attacks that Al Jazeera carried out on our people,” Biden continued. “Our forces kicked them out of Afghanistan. And in 2011, the president and I— and some Navy SEALs— took out that son-of-a-bitch Oba— Osama, in Pakistan.”