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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Monday, 28 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 116

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Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Deployed worldwide

Monday

28 September 2026

0743 Zulu

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· Page 2

Biden wanders into war room after hearing reports of Chinese lunch

Who doesn't love a good catered launch?

Filed · 0500

WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden wandered into the White House Situation Room earlier today asking about reports of a Chinese lunch he had been hearing so much about.

“Did I miss all the egg rolls?” Biden asked a confused Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark A. Milley. “Cut the malarky, I don’t see any wontons.”

Chief of Staff Ron Klain then explained to Biden there was no dim sum, only a “regular old boring” meeting to discuss concerns over a recent Chinese missile launch.

“C’mon man,” said Biden. “These meetings would be a lot more fun if it was a catered launch. Back when I was V.P. I at least brought poppyseed muffins every time we deployed more troops to Afghanistan.”

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