This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Buzz Aldrin to return to moon to find missing space canteen
TRANQUILITY BASE—Fifty years after the first moon landing, astronaut and former Air Force pilot Buzz Aldrin has demanded that he be allowed to retrace his steps and look for his missing space canteen.
“I’ve been getting my Medicare checks docked for years,” said Aldrin, nibbling on mint chocolate dehydrated ice cream in preparation for his upcoming trip. “NASA CIF is bullshit. How can a space canteen cost $800,000?”
Sources report that Aldrin, who has a doctorate from MIT, failed in his attempt to wrap a canteen bought at the Army Navy surplus store in tin foil and get a bitter, bearded Vietnam vet in a trucker cap at space CIF to accept it.
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Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation
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Army Reserve adopts 'Nothing we do today is more important than lunch' as new recruiting slogan
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Hegseth mistakes getting older for declining military standards
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Duffel Blog’s Top 13 ideas for solving the Iran War
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Americans begin thanking troops for future service
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