WASHINGTON — President-elect Donald Trump said Saturday he had chosen retired Navy Cap'n Horatio Magellan Crunch to be secretary of scrumptiousness.
“We are going to appoint the Cap'n,” Trump told a small group of reporters outside of his Trump Tower residence. "He's remarkable. Truly the best possible pick for secretary of scrumptiousness."
Crunch, who currently captains a ship called the Guppy amid the Crunch Island archipelago in the Sea of Milk, has made his opinion on morning breakfast cereal and other snack foods very well known — namely that Washington lacks a cohesive strategy for the deployment and distribution of said foodstuffs.
"Washington is too happy to leave this task to the private industry, when it could be better handled with a bit of central authority," Crunch said in November, at a speech delivered at the annual convention of the National Defense Review.
