MILWAUKEE— Boatswain's Mate 3rd Class Brad Jarest walked into Iron Arms Tattoo on Saturday and received a Semper Paratus tattoo on his right shoulder. The official motto of the Coast Guard, the phrase is Latin for "Always Ready."

However, Jarest is not always ready for adult life, sources say, since he lacks the common sense and knowledge necessary to even make it through childhood.

“Upon graduation from boot camp, most of these kids aren’t ready for adult life, much less practicing law enforcement and saving people’s lives,” said Chief Jeff Moore, Station Lake Michigan's executive officer, noting that Jarest is like a "man-child made out of jizz tissues and pending Captain's Masts” and that he'd definitely fail if he were to tackle basic finances, a proper relationship, or simply handling a social situation that involved normal everyday conversation.