This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Commander of ForceyMcSpaceFace deeply regrets crowdsourcing branch name
WASHINGTON, Planet Earth – The first Chief of Space Operations, Gen. John Raymond, deeply regrets crowdsourcing the name for America’s newest military branch, according to sources.
“I thought it would be a fun way to get young airmen involved in the process,” lamented the general, who sources say has never spoken to a young airman or been on the internet.
The voting process was conducted via an app made by the same company that ran the Iowa Caucuses. Among the finalists were “Spicy NASA,” “Deeznutz Patrol,” and “Elongated Muskrat 2: Revenge of ‘ole Musky part 5/7, Electric Boogaloo,” but ultimately “ForceyMcSpaceFace” rose to the top.
More Stories
Staff command works hard to accomplish nothing
Red Friday
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Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters
Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh
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Trump strikes deal to buy precision missiles from North Korea
Duffel Blog Staff
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Air Force IG uncovers SNACKOs taking kickbacks from Big Insulin
R.J. Williams
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Pentagon facing dangerous shortage of fucks given
Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh
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Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation
Bull Winkle
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Duffel Labs
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Leadership advice with a knife hand.
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DD-214 Fortune Teller
Your civilian future, declassified.
Military Speech Builder
Remarks for ceremonies and mandatory fun.
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Find benefits you might have missed.
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