THE PENTAGON - Earlier today, the Department of Defense released details of its highly secretive T-700 program -- the culmination of a goal to design and build mankind’s first mechanized humanoid war platform. The "Giant Death Robot", as its nick-named, was a collaborative effort between the Michigan Institute of Technology, the Department of Defense, and leading expatriate scientists who fled chaos in the Middle East.

Standing behind a wooden podium, lead researcher Jackson Peterson addressed a crowd of reporters and scientists.

"Welcome, everyone and thank you for coming. You all know me, and I know why you’re all here. So, without further ado. . . I give you, Warbot T-700," said Peterson with a flourish of his arm.

At this moment a large red curtain was drawn back and the three story tall machine was revealed. Blaring a digitized version of The Flight of the Valkyries, Warbot T-700 strode to the center of the stage. The machine cycled its weaponry and scanned the crowd. Rearing back, it pointed an artillery piece towards the back of the room and blasted red, white, and blue confetti over everyone present. There was a deafening applause. In a remarkably gentle gesture, Warbot T-700 leaned over and gingerly took the microphone in its gigantic graspers.