SAN DIEGO – Tim Chen, an accomplished Jody servicing the wives of the U.S. Navy pacific fleet, has been forced into banging his own wife due to social distancing measures during COVID-19.

“I’m approaching this with patience and innovation,” said Chen. “I’m willing to corrupt a deployed sailor’s wife over zoom, sexting, or even Microsoft Teams. However, with the stop movement order delaying TDYs, training exercises, and ill-advised geo-baching decisions, for the time being I’ve been #SaferAtHome. Even if that means I might have to bang my own wife.”