Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
20,000+readers briefed

Dirtbag colonel forgets to make coffee, vacuum floor again

THE PENTAGON — Some shitbag colonel working at the Pentagon forgot to make coffee and vacuum the floor before leaving work yesterday, sources have confirmed.

Marking yet another fuck-up since he was assigned to the secretive Directorate for Iran, military intelligence officer Col. Dale Milligan blew off the shift supervisor's request to refill the office's caffeine supply and delegate end-of-day work details again.

"Dale, I need your section to take care of housecleaning before the next shift takes over," Brig. Gen. Harold Jansen was overheard telling his subordinate. "Also, if you could take care of the vacuuming, that'd be great. Don't forget like you did with the coffee yesterday and this morning."

More Stories

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!