THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense announced today that it will not host or sponsor any further events to recognize Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual Pride. DoD Spokesman Major Phil McTavish made the announcement for the Pentagon in an unscheduled press briefing held in a broom closet on sub-basement C, saying that public outcry over the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was not a cause for the policy change.

The Pentagon held its first, and now only, gay pride event on June 26 of this year, nine months after the repeal of DADT. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta announced the event in a video message to the troops which also thanked gay and lesbian troops that were already serving. Public reaction to the event was mostly a chorus of shrugged shoulders and the occasional screaming that the military was "ruined forever".

When pressed for the cause for about face in policy, McTavish stated the military was "pretty much gay enough already."

“We obviously don't have anything against gay and lesbian troops in the military. The DOD just doesn't feel the need to make a big deal about it anymore. We feel we’ve achieved a level of gayness that suits us.”