WASHINGTON — The Defense Information Systems Agency has revealed that military users don’t actually have to enter their Common Access Card PIN so many times while using their computers, but the policy is in place merely because they love to watch you squirm.

“Believe it or not, there’s actually no practical reason to enter your PIN every three minutes and every time you send an email, open a window, close a window, or think about windows,” DISA Director Gen. Robert J. Skinner said. “But, man, is it fun to watch you suffer.”

The need to constantly enter one’s PIN has plagued DoD computer users for years. But this is the first time that DISA has publicly admitted that the policy is in place solely because they hate you and want you to be hurt.

“We always wanted a solution that was simple yet ubiquitous, something that would cause your blood to simmer throughout the entirety of your career while never rising quite to the level where you’re willing to do something to change it,” said DISA Chief Frustration Engineer Dave Combs. “At first we tried 14- and 15-factor authentication. Turns out it’s way more demoralizing to just do the same factor over and over and over again.”