THE PENTAGON — A thriving market of completely useless and laughably marketed schemes peddled by military spouses has exploded in military communities around the country this year, Pentagon sources said today.

According to Pentagon Press Secretary Peter Cook, get-rich-quick pyramid scams like “It Helps!” and “Blexxus,” once derided as “clearly bullshit” and “obvious Ponzi schemes,” have proliferated at an alarming rate.

"The sudden growth has been attributed to the efforts of spouses running wild on social media, empowered by erroneously claiming to be small business owners," Cook said.

Service members around the Department of Defense have been complaining up the chain of command and on social media to vent their frustration. One junior Army Officer, seeking to remain anonymous, confided that the trend was getting out of control.