In an organization-wide effort to cut costs and modernize its aging officer corps, the Department of Defense has announced plans to migrate all field grade officers to the cloud.

“We have thousands of legacy O-4s, O-5s, and O-6s sitting idle in on premises infrastructure, sucking up funds and air,” Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin said. “We anticipate huge cost savings and increased efficiency by moving all of our outdated field grades permanently to the cloud, where they will mostly be someone else’s problem.”

Austin says field grade officers tend to suffer from multiple security and functionality issues, including obsolete operating systems, lack of combat patches, and bad knees. Moving them to the cloud will provide much needed upgrades, including making them “seem almost like they’re O-3s who still give a shit.”