FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — The E-4 Mafia announced today they have designated sergeants major, command sergeants major, and first sergeants as nonessential personnel for the remainder of the COVID-19 pandemic. The senior noncommissioned officers will be mandated to telework from home effective immediately.

Master sergeants — deemed relatively harmless by the E-4 Mafia — may continue reporting for work as normal.

“It’s totally about health and welfare and not because these ranks are giant buzzkills,” said E-4 Mafia spokesperson Spc. Frankie Howe. “The High Council met and determined these senior NCOs would best serve the Army if they were not in the vicinity of their units.”