Elon Musk offers $44 billion to buy Space Force

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SIMI VALLEY, California — SpaceX CEO and Chief Twit Elon Musk has offered to buy the U.S. Space Force from the federal government for $44 billion.

When asked why he wanted to purchase the service, Musk shrugged and admitted he didn’t know what it did. “Maybe they have some spare parts or something we can use,” said Musk.

Nevertheless, Musk announced that his first action if the sale was approved would be eliminating the 16,000 civilians and military personnel assigned to the service. He reasoned the people of Space Force were there only for the pay, benefits, and allowances and were probably quiet quitters anyway.

The world’s richest man assured Space Force employees that by eliminating sleeping, eating, and dental appointments they could easily assume the additional workload and save him enough to install new cup holders on his Gulfstream G650ER.

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

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