TOLEDO, Ohio — After a week that saw healthcare industry executives on edge following the fatal shooting of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, former Army sniper Todd "Deadeye" Wallace has reportedly begun preparing for what he describes as "inevitable cuts to VA healthcare" under the incoming Trump administration, sources confirmed today.

The move comes amid reports that Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, whom President-elect Donald Trump has tapped to lead a so-called "Department of Government Efficiency," confirmed that they plan to target "unauthorized" federal spending — a category that includes the VA's medical services.

"I’m just a simple guy who spent years defending this country and acquiring a very particular set of skills," said Wallace while meticulously cleaning his .308 Remington rifle at his kitchen table. "But hey, if the incoming administration says I’ve been living too large off a disability check that doesn’t cover my increasing rent year to year, who am I to argue with a draft dodger’s perspective on my amputated leg?"

Veterans benefits have been a hotbed of discussion in recent weeks following a controversial op-ed published by The Economist under the headline, “American Veterans Now Receive Absurdly Generous Benefits.” The piece suggested that VA coverage for traumatic injuries, mental health care, and prosthetics was "excessive" and closed by asserting, "Reducing payments to former soldiers will never be popular, but it would be wise."