USS GRIDLEY (DDG-101) – Citing a genuine desire to go above and beyond, sources confirmed today that Information Systems Technician 3rd Class Brett Pope woke up this morning fifteen minutes before morning quarters and in a shocking turn of events, made his rack.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” stuttered fellow Petty Officer 3rd Class Carl Hughey, still visibly reeling. “[Pope] usually stumbles out of his rack five minutes before quarters and straggles in at the last possible minute. He never shaves or brushes his teeth, let alone makes his rack.”

“Sure, I’m dink [delinquent] in just about every qualification that would make me a valuable asset to the workplace and alleviate the stress my colleagues endure as a result of my failure to contribute anything meaningful to my shop – or society as a whole, for that matter,” Pope said.