FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Fort Bragg, the Army’s crown jewel and national STD hotspot, is about to get shittier. The installation took a step closer toward energy security with a massive contract to burn soldiers’ crap and harvest the methane for electricity.

Typical Army-housed power generation, such as solar farms, can provide backup for a few critical missions during a grid outage. The amount of shit 50,000 soldiers can produce will power every mission, every Xbox, and every plug-in flesh light for the entire installation—and surrounding counties as well. And, as Bragg boasts the second-highest number of general officers outside the Pentagon, the raw production material will be top quality kindling.

Mack Dillon, CEO of the start-up company that won the contract, believes this energy security project is long overdue. His personal burn pit connection made the award even more satisfying.