PASHTYLVANIA, AFGHANISTAN – Marine Corps Gen. Joseph Dunford, Jr. confirmed late yesterday that he has accepted a wager to spend no less than one year in the supposedly haunted command of United States Forces - Afghanistan (USFOR-A). Legend has it that there is a terrible curse on the command, located deep in the foreboding mountains of Afghanistan, and that inexplicably bad things happen to the careers of unwary commanders.

"I don't like this," says Dunford's career, folding its arms and staring out of Dunford's car at the darkening sky as they drive up the winding switchbacks toward the infamous command. "What are we even doing here? Is there even a strategic objective? We should have just gone back to Headquarters Marine Corps to be the next Commandant."

"C'mon, it'll be fun," says a smiling Dunford. "Just one year, baby, then we'll collect the money and go back to the beltway. After that, I promise I'll take the Commandant job, just like you wanted."

Earlier today, the two were greeted at the airport by a gray, sunken-eyed Gen. John Allen, who was too distraught to even shake Dunford's outstretched hand. Allen was accompanied by doctors attending to his restrained career, which recently and unexpectedly went insane. Allen is accompanying it home to see if it can be rehabilitated, but few hold out any hope.