JOINT BASE SAN ANTONIO, Texas – A heartbreaking scene unfolded today at an Air Mobility Command terminal when staff told a general he would not be able to deploy with his emotional support mistress.

As the general waited to board a plane with the young captain sitting on his lap, an airman working at the gate asked for a note from a military doctor and the captain’s immunization records. When the general could not produce the required paperwork, the general was informed she would have to leave the aircraft..

“He really lost it when we told him she would not be able to accompany him,” said Senior Airman C.K. Blocker. “We gave them a few minutes to say goodbye, and there was a fair amount of heavy petting before we took her away. But I’ll admit, even I teared up a little when the old man told us they hadn’t been apart since she was just a young second lieutenant.”