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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 113 · Tuesday, 22 September 2026

Pentagon

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

White House sources say object would bring “much-needed stability” to Pentagon

Army adopts ‘Your body, my choice’ as new recruiting slogan

First-generation American pilot excited to give family free ride on deportation flight

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Vol. 15 · No. 113

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Vol. 15 · No. 113 · Deployed worldwide

Tuesday

22 September 2026

0657 Zulu

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· Page 2

God forgets to capitalize 'Marine'

Filed · 1532

HEAVEN — Sources reported today that supreme Judeo-Christian deity God allegedly forgot to capitalize “Marine,” adding that the blunder was His “most egregious oversight since the creation of the mosquito, or maybe the e-cigarette -- who knows -- they’re both a blight on humanity.”

His Imminence had commanded the baking of a birthday cake for the Marines guarding His ethereal gates in order to commemorate their birthday as a Corps, according to celestial spokesangel, Metatron, Voice of God.

“Our Father, King of kings, seems to have had a most uncharacteristic lapse of divine judgement when leaving instructions for our heavenly baker,” Metatron stated.

“Far be it from me to cast the first stone, but I suspect some recent, heart-sundering events to be at fault,” he added. “No doubt the work of Lucifer.”

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