THE PENTAGON — The fabled “Good Idea Fairy,” once thought a joke or an urban legend, and often blamed for seemingly incompetent leadership by troops across the armed forces, has been found in a sub-basement of the Pentagon, sources confirmed.

Deep inside the bowels of the distinctive military headquarters building, in a lone basement office with no sign, sits Theodore Willis. In order to reach his office, one must pass through portions of the Pentagon that simply don’t exist on any map, and where compasses begin to spin wildly.

“We cannot confirm or deny that a Theodore Willis works for the Pentagon,” Spokesman Peter Cook said in response to a Freedom of Information Act request, “and we certainly have no comment on his service record or specific duties.”

He has been described by visitors as a captain in the Army, Marine Corps, and Air Force, and a Navy lieutenant. All agree his wears the parallel bars of an O-3.