FORT BENNING, Ga. – Command Sgt. Major Harold Bellmont of the 1-325th Transportation Brigade stopped by the smoke pit to bond with the troops over some “funny stories” Monday, leaving the gathered soldiers to wonder if Bellmont understood the definition of hazing.

“He was looking at us with these wide eyes, expecting us to laugh,” Pvt. 1st Class Braydon Smith told the Duffel Blog. “Some of us did, but not because it was funny. He started with this story about how in his first assignment in like the 90s or something, the new guy always got duct taped to the flag pole at first formation, and then the whole platoon would draw dicks on him with a sharpie, only he reported at Thanksgiving so his platoon sergeant drew a hand turkey on his face with an arrow that said cock gobbler. I laughed because it was really uncomfortable and I wanted to like, offer him support. But now I want to talk to the Chaplain.”