Soldier realizes identity has been stolen after his credit score improves

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FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A soldier stationed at Fort Bragg noticed his identity had been stolen when his credit score suddenly spiked to 560, sources confirmed today.

“I was at Armed Forces Bank to open a fifth credit card so I could get some custom vinyl for my Dodge Charger," said Pfc. Jonathan Meyer. "The lady pulled my credit report and was all like, ‘You’re approved for a $5,000 line of credit.’ Without having my grandmother co-sign? It’s never been that easy. I knew something was up.”

Meyer’s recent credit score uptick was especially exciting, since he got the vinyl for his Charger, and the time spent at provost marshal and legal got him out of two road marches and a blended retirement system briefing.

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

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