RAQQA, Syria — The Islamic State (ISIS) has announced it will be retiring it aging fleet of Toyota Hilux "Technicals," which have carried Jihad across the middle east for more than a decade. In place of the venerable pickup truck, the group has ordered several hundred Toyota Prius Primes, an ecofriendly plug-in hybrid vehicle, marking the first step in what ISIS calls the "green caliphate."
ISIS militants have been complaining to their leaders for years that Hiluxes burn too much gas and contribute to climate change across the rapidly shrinking Islamic State. ISIS head Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi reportedly passed the complaints to Toyota customer service, who recommended the new hybrid Prius model to cut down on emissions.
"We are proud to announce the Prius as the new means of expanding the caliphate across the middle east" said al-Baghdadi via sat phone while hiding from a wave of U.S. air strikes. "This vehicle highlights both our military might and a commitment to the beautiful environment that we govern."
