BENEDICT, Mont. — "American Taliban" John Walker Lindh tasted freedom for approximately 47 seconds before a Hellfire missile fired from an unmanned aerial vehicle ensured he would never taste anything ever again, sources confirmed today.

After spending 17 years in federal prison for "providing services to the Taliban," the Bureau of Prisons announced earlier this week that it would release Lindh promptly at 12:00 p.m. at an undisclosed location in Benedict, Montana, population 645, where he would spend three years on parole at the Bergdahl House of Recovery.

"We released him at the local soccer field to minimize collateral . . . observers," a government official said, speaking on the condition of anonymity.