PYONGYANG – The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) confirmed that North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Chong Un is calling himself "a new Dear Leader" devoted to a life of health and fitness.
According to DIA spokesman Maj. Gordon Moody, a severe illness caused Kim's recent disappearance from public view. This brush with death motivated Kim to commit himself to getting “totally cut” in six months.
Reports indicate that Kim installed a running track outside his home along with deliveries of a full Olympic-grade weight set, five pallets of "Sports Bang" energy drinks, and a Peloton bike.
