FORT RILEY, Kan. — Army 2nd Lt. Roger Pulanski, Bravo Company Platoon Leader, is not sure why he attended this meeting but he is sitting quietly in the battalion conference room and trying to draw minimal attention to himself, sources confirmed today.

“I was told to be here at 1400, so I showed up,” reported Pulanski.

According to defense officials, after reviewing meeting slides titled “Battalion PLBT Call,” Pulanski furiously Googled the terms “PLBT,” “Army PLBT,” “Fort Riley PLBT,” “Army Fort Riley PLBT,” and finally, “Army get out of service commitment” to prepare, with no success.

“Looking at these slides, it appears that your company’s LTD metrics are at about 85% of the QLZ glide path. Does that sound right to you, Pulanski?” asked the Battalion Executive Officer, mistakenly expecting 2nd Lt. Pulanski to have a basic understanding of the meeting topic.

Pulanski reportedly looked down at his little green notebook, where he had drawn a picture of a cat driving a tank, and said, “That sounds right, sir” in as neutral a voice as he could manage.

Midway through the meeting, the Battalion Maintenance Officer asked Pulanski if his company had received their allocation of “FL-89s and how they planned to ration them out given the quarterly ORS projections.”

After staring into space for just long enough to make things uncomfortable, Pulanski responded, “Sure?” which, contrary to expectations, was a satisfactory response.