ARLINGTON, Va. — Whoa. We knew the military made mistakes from time to time, but we never thought it could gaff up quite like this.

When coworkers found this lifeless corpse apparently dead at its desk in the Pentagon, their first thought was that it must have been a soldier who was courageously killed in the line of duty while preparing a PowerPoint slide on readiness. Sure, it looked a little old and decrepit, but who knows how long it had been rotting there in the bowels of the puzzle palace?

Mourning this brave service-member's fate, they went through the whole process of planning for a military burial, with an honor guard detail and everything. They even ordered it a new dress uniform and were about to lay it down in a flag-draped casket when it suddenly sprang to life and said it had to leave because Friday was its flex day.