CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency's "Marine Corpse" weapon project has been cancelled after it resulted in hundreds of cannibalistic attacks, dozens of non-judicial punishments, and at least three undead pregnancies.

"We thought the project sounded a bit unorthodox at first," said Victor Pullerstein, DARPA program manager. "But when we went to North Carolina to conduct the research, my GPS said we had arrived at 'Marine Corpse Base Camp Luhjern.' That sounded legit enough for me."

Pullerstein and his team of scientists successfully reanimated the corpses of dozens of Marines, though they soon broke out of the lab and began ravaging local strip clubs and tattoo parlors.