CAMP LEJEUNE, NC — Operations officer Maj. Greg Walsh has vivid memories of both Iraq and Afghanistan, having deployed with infantry battalions since he was a lieutenant. Haunted by memories of death at war and troubles at home, he decided to kill himself, becoming part of a tragic epidemic that has devastated the entire Department of Defense.

However, that decision came five and a half years ago. Today, Walsh's suicide remains stalled in the middle stages of the complicated and bureaucratic formal planning process that the Marine Corps taught him was essential for making important decisions in the high pressure environment of combat.

Walsh began by appointing himself in writing to every position normally found on a military staff to ensure no role's critical responsibilities were neglected. As acting commander, Walsh began to draft his commander's estimate of the situation based on a mission of "Kill myself in order to end the cyclical loop of emotional trauma and public disinterest that is my life."

"Commander's desired endstate: I am dead," concludes the first of 1,724 documents generated so far by Walsh's suicide planning. The walls of the tiny apartment Walsh moved into following his divorce are covered with assessments of his fires, maneuver, intelligence, logistics, and command and control capabilities.