A Marine F-35 Lightning II learns to low crawl at SERE School

Virginia Beach, Va. — The formal investigation into the crash of an F-35 aircraft that was missing for two days has concluded and reveals the plane was “actually just in SERE School that entire time,” announced Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Eric Smith.“We send pilots to Survival, Evacuation, Resistance, and Evasion school all the time. Why shouldn’t we send the aircraft as well?”

The F-35 spent several days eating twigs and berries, hiding behind trees, and otherwise just being a “sneaky boi” as part of the 19-day course. The immense size of the F-35 aircraft made its completion of the course difficult, but not insurmountable.

“I have to be honest. When the national media picked up on the story, I thought ‘Damn, that’s gonna make it that much harder’,” claimed the physically degraded F-35, “But I knew it was mind over matter to evade detection.”