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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Monday, 5 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

Financial counselors unable to determine where approximately 10 months of pay went

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

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Vol. 15 · No. 119

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Deployed worldwide

Monday

5 October 2026

0035 Zulu

Next edition Wednesday

← Front page
· Page 2

Mattis clears head during evening stroll, 8 killed

Filed · 1535

WASHINGTON — The Metropolitan Police Special Tactics Branch was activated Saturday night after a fatigued Secretary of Defense James Mattis took eight lives during a casual walk through the downtown area.

Calls to the 911 emergency line began coming in around 6:35 p.m. with reports of a man lying face down with a Vietnam War-era bayonet stuck through the external occipital protuberance area of his skull, as well as at least three other victims having been thrown off of the 14th Street Bridge, sources confirmed.

Police were on the scene within three minutes and encountered a male white subject in his 60s calmly tearing out the vocal chords of a demonstrator from People Power and Potluck! while simultaneously breaking the neck of a passing meter maid.

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