WASHINGTON — Amidst a dizzying array of highly divisive issues in the 2016 presidential election, Americans have found an issue on which there is overwhelming agreement: those born in the Millennial generation remain “lazy pieces of shit looking for handouts,” despite a combined total of 28 years of continuous war in Iraq and Afghanistan being fought on the ground almost exclusively by volunteer Millennials.

The consensus that all Millennials are “weak, useless kids with art degrees” has has emerged in the wake of a Gallup poll showing that well over half of Millennials approve of “some form of socialism.”

“These Millennials are out of control,” said local father Brian Hardy. “I don’t care that the overwhelming majority of the 2.5 million American veterans of these wars were born after 1980. First they voted for Obummer, twice, and now these geriatric Communists. The man and the lesbian.”