AL-TANF GARRISON, Syria — An entire Army platoon was reportedly killed after assembling for an accountability formation immediately following an incoming missile attack, according to leaked details from the opening days of hostilities with Iran.

Sources familiar with the incident said company leadership ordered platoons to “ensure no casualties were taken” following the initial barrage.

“The CO just wanted a situation report,” said one soldier from another platoon. “The lieutenant suggested checking bunkers by radio or sending runners, but platoon daddy apparently wasn’t having any of that.”

According to multiple soldiers, the decision to hold a formation followed a brief leadership discussion regarding the difference between the words “ensure” and “assure.”

Despite the lieutenant’s objections, the platoon sergeant reportedly insisted there was only “one Army way” to conduct accountability.