WASHINGTON, D.C. - The National Association of Second Lieutenants released a statement and held a press conference today in response to almost universal criticism their members have been receiving from soldiers, Marines, and airmen.

The statement comes on the heels of a controversial change to the military’s promotion scheme.

The group spokesman, Second Lieutenant Jack Brietovich, was late for the press conference due to an apparent problem with his 2006 Hyundai's GPS system. After he arrived, he then realized that he left the typed statement in his other pants -- forcing him to send his driver, PFC Michael Wilson to find it.

The press conference began two and a half hours late, and caused those attending to get stuck in traffic leaving post, miss dinner with their children, and file their reports after deadlines.