ANNAPOLIS, MD – The Naval Academy stopped paying its civilian instructors on Tuesday as a result of the government shutdown, and told students and military staff members to “just figure it out” and “watch Youtube or something.”

With the loss of more than half of the faculty, students and military instructors have responded with creative ways to continue education at the nation’s top-ranked public university. The acting Academic Dean, Col. Samir Fidelis, instituted a new curriculum that combines multiple courses into single courses.

“I call it Smashication,” he triumphantly reported. “Take two things, smash ‘em together and teach ‘em at the same time. Twice the info, half the resources…saves time, ‘Rah?”